My Contribution: Personal Growth

I want to tell a story of Personal Growth. It is not only possible, it is happening. (First step, I stayed in bed for a while and started working on my thoughts. What else did I have to do? I had the not-leaving-the-house-scenario down pat. My mental illness supplied me with incredible amounts of pain… huge vats… I used to visualize. Hmmm. My body hurt every movement. Come to find out I had a vitamin D deficiency for 10 years or more. Fixing that helped a lot. Now I am practicing putting the pain down and stepping away from it, ha ha.) I am stepping up to health and health consciousness by watching Sandra and investigating/intending more healthy ways of being, eating, and supplementing. While I am at it I am recording what I observe/intend. Writing all this is healing me and I am hoping it can help heal others, as well.

I like this 'dealing' with pain and not 'feeling' it so much. It's not exactly gone but it's leaving in new ways every day (its fluidity allows it to flow on through this body of 99% space) and the stretching opens up more space, as does the breathing. I do stretches all day. I breath deeply twice every 5 minutes. I respirate resourcefully. I keep learning more stretches on the senior citizen YouTube videos. I can apply these stretches each 5 to 10 minutes. I can detox and write and move. When I catch myself slumped over… I stretch for 40 to 60 seconds, both sides of my back and then settle into good posture. I do this every time I catch myself slouching. This happens on average 3 times an hour at the computer. I am intending that Falling into a slump causes the Resourceful behavior. Slouching stops the energy flow in my body. Trapped energy is not resourceful, I have observed its destructiveness (violence).

I am moved to tears so easily, like before, only now they are all about inexpressible Joy. The brain/mind is a slow poke. Now, Joy is the definition of Mania. It used to be disaster. The energy is manageable in this new place I live and play. I no longer have to medicate control over the energy.

I am noticing echoes. They feel strong (almost as strong as the emotions they come from). They are in my brain/mind and I can physically 'feel' them in my body. They are not real. They are the dying gasps of the old way (egoic mind). I spent some time with the echoes today. Writing about them brings the feeling close. I don't want to spend a lot of time on this story. It is not as important as the Wellness that is happening to me. Hmmm. I hear you, fears, I know you are there. I do not want to hear your words distinctly, however, because that is the path of non-resourcefulness. I see things differently now. Fear is gone.

Emotions, you have always been so incredibly important to me. You have been my messengers… how will I let you go? Hmmm. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Can I redefine what you mean in my life? You are skills and I don't want to let you go. I can redefine your energy. Yes. Emotions, I have heard you well. I understand now that the brain/mind is to keep me updated on the physical world, without having to make all those judgments about what is 'good' or 'bad'. I have released incredible energy and the directive force in my life is ultimately Resourceful. All I need to do is watch my thoughts and resourcefully intend with clarity, faith, and certainty.

All I have ever done in this incredible 50 years is give. The energy is coming back multiplied by about a gazillion times. (Sure, I contributed to suffering, but I seriously overpaid that debt.) I had a savings account all this time that I was totally unaware of. And I fed it everything I had… I never met someone as easy to get what is in my pocket or in my abilities. I love to give. There is just nothing better. Giving is my wings. It looked like a serious defect in the old way, but it is the highest goal in this new way.

All I need to do is watch my thoughts and resourcefully intend with clarity, faith, and certainty. Yep, that's it. The doing will then happen. Yes, this was difficult for me in the past. I understand those fears. I think the NVC is working in my conversations with myself, making them more resourceful. ( That is very interesting. I am extremely interested in NVC. This is great.)

I was looking at a website to start my own business today. That's all very interesting and it starts the echoes all a echoing. These echoes seemed to have a fair amount of energy within them. Now, I am releasing that energy from the (non-existent fear) echoes. I need it. Thank you very much! This is total loss of ego/self.

I just observed myself grimacing in pain when I reached across my desk chair to pick something up and the grimace turned into a smile and a feeling of Joy ( I felt Joy because I noticed the grimace). That is an interesting construct. I can react to the pain like it feels good. This construct will lead to the death of debilitating physical pain in this body. I can refuse to let pain destroy my life. I can live with or without it. This is the ultimate not judging something good or bad. Its existence in my life changes nothing.

I still live in the moment and determine what is best and healing for my body. I finally got that negative spiral stopped and turned around. I am well. I am well , is my new Resourceful story.

There is a new Font in town.

Let me say to all, "Happy Thanksgiving". I feel this velvety gentle wave of gratitude.

My daughter is home from her Junior year at college. She says I needed a new font. She says people do not take the previous font 'seriously'. Capitalizing all willy-nilly also looked down on. So I thought I was doing something great. Ha ha. I am watching the mind bitch about letting go of a (possibly unresourceful) font and willy-nilly capitalization. That is interesting.

I am feeling a fair amount of fear in my body/brain/mind today about some of my interactions with others. I am staying with it for understanding and messages. I am not identifying with, or making up a story about this fear. Well, there are stories here… about the fear and where it is coming from. It feels like the stories want me to write them down and talk about them. I do not wish to give these stories any voice because they are not Resourceful but I do wish to honor and accept what is there without making it my focus. The brain/mind wants to focus on the fears and the stories it is telling about them. I am glad that I do not live there anymore.

I focus on Resourceful thoughts. Mistakes do not matter, except in a good way… sometimes they help me see what needs to be done.

I could do things my own way and live in obscurity. That would be okay if that were what I desired to do.

I know... the war story is very strong... our leadership isn't telling a story of peace, either and everything is all greeded up. But I can feel the evolutionary leap happening in my own life ... (by the virtue of the science of the very small... quantum mechanics)

I am just saying we need to start some new stories and I don't mind being one of the first to start this peace stuff off... by believing it is already here.

How The Human Brain Works

1. The Thought, then

2. The Chemical Reaction, then

3. The Behavior

Choose Your Thoughts Wisely... They Are the Precursors To What Is

God Bless Ed Epley in Oregon

Sharon Cohen, AP National Writer- Sat Nov 21, 2009 (this is an excerpt from a longer article called, "A bad month in Afghanistan rippled across the US"

 

IN OREGON, THE VIGIL GOES ON...

Every afternoon, seven days a week, Ed Epley has a 5 p.m. appointment with the war.

He pulls a protest sign from his maroon 1961 Volkswagen van — he has 30 to 40 stashed inside — and joins a one-hour peace vigil at the Benton County courthouse in Corvallis, Ore. Epley has been doing this, day in and day out, since the U.S. launched its first air strikes on Afghanistan on Oct. 7, 2001.

"I really don't look at it as a job, it's just part of the daily task of being a citizen," says the 73-year-old retiree.

More than eight years later, this small, 365-day-a-year vigil may seem quixotic. But it stands apart for another reason: It has kept a steadfast focus on the war. Even though hundreds of thousands of troops have served, even though more than 800 members of the military have died, the marathon war in Afghanistan has, for long stretches, been off the nation's radar.

Ed Epley is in year nine in the vigil at the county courthouse in Corvallis.

He's among 8 to 12 regulars who gather from 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. — weekends and holidays included.

Mike Beilstein, a city council member, still comes by a few times a month. He helped launch the vigil in 2001 when he brought a "Peace on Earth" sign to the courthouse the day after the first air strikes on Afghanistan.

"We never feel we're wrong, but we've asked ourselves is this the best way to address the issue," Beilstein says. "Would I be more effective going home writing letters? That question has been there from the start and it's there now, but now that we've been doing it, how do we quit?"

Most days, about 10 people or fewer show up. On the October anniversary of the war, about 50 did. When big announcements are made — including events tied to the Iraq, which also is part of the protest — the numbers swell.

They've endured shouts of "nuke them," "go back to Russia," "dirty hippies, get a job." Motorists have pelted them with cans and food.

They've also been greeted with peace signs, honks of support and letters from as far as New Zealand and Tunisia. (Al-Jazeera taped a segment on the vigil.)

"The message does get out," Epley says. "It's really hard to tell how much effect we're having. People will stop by and write letters and say they do appreciate we're out there. That's what keeps us going. ... I think most of us realize we're never really going to win world peace."

As for the future?

"I don't know what the signal is going to be to say, 'Let's call it quits,'" he says. "We never thought we'd be here this long."

I feel gratefulness for Ed's stand. I think, however, that Peace is Happening. I Have Adopted 'Peace is Happening' as a Major Focus in my Life.

 

• ESSENTIAL NVC (Nonviolent Communication) PRINCIPLE (Empathy)

I found this Incredibly Profound. NVC has my (divided by body healing considerations) focus right now.

 

This is from a training by Dr Marshall Rosenberg… (Excerpt from) Transcript of 2-day Advanced Intensive

—Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.

October 21, 2000
Bainbridge Commons
Bainbridge Island, Washington, USA

 

This is from Dr Marshall Rosenberg:

http://www.cnvc.org/en/what-nvc/class-notes/training-day-2/nvc-nonviolent-communication.

 

Three ways to know you're in empathy (i.e., making the connection):

1. Intention.
   

   Be aware of the intention behind offering empathy to another person. It's important that you be conscious you're not giving empathy for the other person's benefit.
   
   Don't listen unless it meets your need to connect with the divine energy.
   By that, I mean that to know God, we have to know people. It's a deep need, our need to connect with the beauty, the divine energy in this person, to be in harmony, to flow with that divine energy.
   
   We give empathy to others for our own benefit. With this intention, you can't tell which is the giver and which is the receiver. We don't do it for the other person, because that puts them in the one-down position of being helped. There is life coming through this other person, and we meet our need by connecting with it.
   

2. Presence.
   

   This means we can't bring anything from the past chattering in our heads, such as theories about humans. The more you know the person in front of you, the harder it will be to empathize. That's why Martin Buber says our presence is such a precious gift to give another. It's approaching this moment like a newborn infant. That infant has never been before and will never be again. I learned this when I worked in mental hospitals and found that the best way to connect with the patient was not to read any of the reports.
   

3. Focus.
   

   The focus
   is on what's alive in the person now in this moment. The best way to do that is staying connected to feelings and needs, especially the past feelings that are the root of the present feelings. The person may be wandering around with reference to past, memories, etc., but you don't go there with them. Just stay connected to the needs and feelings behind what they're expressing.
   

All of this can be done silently. The most important parts of empathy are done silently.

These NVC (nonviolent communication) people are speaking the language of Peace. This is Peace Happening. I Am Completely Blown Away by these people's writings. This is An Awesome Construct. It is Beyond Resourceful. Wow. This is the Language of the Evolutionary Leapt. I Am Awed. I am Looking at Everything with New Eyes and All I See is Beauty. This is Incredible. I Am Adopting This Construct into my Operating System… ha ha, ha. I Am Allowing this Software Patch to Download into my Brain/Mind. I am reading and learning (without effort). The Reading and Learning are Happening.

All I have to do is Order My Thoughts in the most Resourceful Way. Then 'the doing' just 'happens'. That is what NVC has accomplished. Peace is Happening! NVC is The Proof. This just keeps getting better. (Waves of Gratitude are rolling over me.)